Nepali Archives

Namaste, my name is **** hailing from ***. I belong to Biswakarma Dalit community. Currently 35 years old. It was just six months after I was born, when I encountered a tragic accident involving fire, where my left leg sustained the most severe injury resulting in losing all my toes, resulting in the dysfunction of my lower left leg; unable to bear the weight of my body causing me to lean more on my right foot. And so it appears like I am handicapped when I walk or when I put on my shoes, on my left foot. But still, people do not notice my problem and I often have to tell them that “I am a disabled woman.”

I come from a poor family. We had to work extremely hard to get a day’s meal. I’m the eldest of the children and I cannot even state the condition in which we were living then. My father accused my mother of the accident I was involved in, and even would use force against her, I was told. Even my mother suffered a lot because of all these issues. My mother began to live with her own family (brothers) for about a year. Which is one of the reasons why I love or am more attached to my grandmother (father’s mother) more than my own mother. My grandmother took full care of me. But soon my dad brought mother home when one of my uncle had to get married.

We didn’t own any property nor did we have any source for income so when I was three years old, my dad brought me here to India to make a living. I don’t know much but I think that the nerves on my foot might have been entrapped and needed medical attention, which if I had received on time, I believe that the current handicap problems I go through would not be as much as it is now. My brother was born in Hyderabad, India. Then I continued to stay with my grandmother and she sold wood just to bring home some food. She sent me to a government school. I studied well but I still don’t know how to speak in English. It is very difficult. After 16 years I was taken to Nepal and continued my studies there. As I had to deal with a lot of problems which only I can feel and understand, I was unable to get through my 10th standard Nepal SLC (School Leaving Certificate) Examination. I had to search for work and I kept looking for it and most of the places hiring suggested I get a computer diploma. I had no money but I had a little bit of fortune as my brother helped me with the payment for me to get a diploma in computers, which I acquired after 3 months. When I went back to the place, they told me that I should at least pass my SLC (School Leaving Certificate) examination which caused another problem.

After I had two younger brothers, I started feeling the gender bias, the social inequality between man and woman that came from none other than my own family. So what could I have expected from others? My own mother always sided with my brother and I couldn’t feel any support coming from her, as I wanted to talk about everything I went through. To describe it in two words, it was ‘mental stress’.

My friends were very supportive and they understood my circumstances well but only those who were from Dalit community like me. We were always discriminated against by the Brahmins. They had so many prohibitions for us which were entirely based on caste discrimination. To tell you some of the stories, when we were younger, we couldn’t even drink water from the same place they did. Even if we just touch them, they would perform rituals as if the one who touched them made them impure. Once, in my village, there was a function primarily involving Brahmins known as Janai Purnima (a Hindu festival involving the annual ritual changing of the cotton thread that upper caste men wear across their chest). They all had gathered for their ceremony around the she well from where we used to fetch water. Unaware of anything I went and sat among them and then they asked me my father’s name. When I said – “****”, they were shocked and told me that I was a Dalit and I was not allowed to be there, so I had to leave. My father. who didn’t have his own land, used to work on their land for our livelihood. He was a mechanical worker. They never allowed him inside of their house; they had separate utensils for him even though he was the one actually farming. Whether it was a sunny day or heavy rainfall, my father had to eat outside their home when he worked. Then I thought about discrimination a lot which caused me mental stress. I had an uncle who had been to Spain and he got me engaged in a national disability organization. He registered me there and I was supposed to receive a shoe from them but he submitted the wrong name as **** in place of my name and gave the wrong size so I did not receive those shoes. Then a person suggested to me that if I were to learn sewing I would get a job. He got me an opportunity through a handicap charity. I learned it but unfortunately no jobs were available nor did I have money to afford sewing machines so I just kept getting stressed.

I had got my handicap certification as well as my citizenship certification then after that I learned about a disability charity through this sir. I could learn there but had to work too so I agreed to it. After all, I did not have the luxury to say no. I needed whatever I could get.

But there as well, I had to cook for them. There were tons of children and I had to clean them up including their toilets and all. I also had to cook and there were elder ladies around who just forced work on us and I was compelled to cook, feed, clean etc. The sir had two wives, the elder one was drunk and disorderly. I couldn’t say anything. They would be like – “You Dalit! We are doing you a favour and how dare you speak?” Even an old principal of mine used to discriminate against me the same way. Therefore, I left the work, since I couldn’t bear it. I had very little money and I kept looking for work, had to stay with friends and burden them. My friend’s mother vouched for me and took me around searching for work for me. I did my studies somehow and got something through the disability organization. Somehow, I was able to complete my studies with special help from ****, who helped me a lot through a Dalit association but other than that, no organization including Dalit associations offered me help before, be it through means of work, place to stay, scholarship etc.

I had friends who were disabled and in national organizations where they got me work but even then I would be discriminated for being a Dalit. But I continued, with the love of some ladies and then I passed my SLC (School Leaving Certificate). And a blind friend of mine suggested getting a scholarship and I went as a companion for her but it was a disability association so the director asked me few things about me which I have already narrated and he himself got me a scholarship of 1500 NPR. Then I paid for the hostel myself which was 1200 NPR and being paid by a **daju who put me in, I used the remaining 300 NPR for my daily necessities. After passing SLC (School Leaving Certificate), I could not occupy the hostel anymore so I left for home. But I had been offered housekeeping training and a job after completing the training. I attended 15 theory classes on housekeeping and I did not have the means to complete my class XII. Then I got in an association known as ***Nepal Apanga Nanav Kundra where I got to go trekking because six people were always selected to go there and while I was there, it was a ma’am, a lady who had been selected while the rest were all boys. So they asked me if I wanted to go with her as her companion. I had never been presented with such an opportunity. I was excited and I did not go to Muktinath. Then I did training with the association on media and communication. There I got a job as a minor journalist and 5 years later I was promoted to media coordinator. Currently, I do interviews, radio and different sorts of programming, I especially conduct. And we broadcast about our special interviews with disabled and handicaps and learn about their difficulties and just to spread awareness and to receive as much love and care for them like how normal people get treated.

In my childhood, most of the people who were associated with the handicap association from other places used my name which they profited from it and never mentioned it to me. I learned of it the hard way. Sometime later, they gave us a small amount of money and in that particular charity place or association, they gave us no food and we suffered from malnutrition and soon after that they would send us for begging in far away markets. There were certain people who took money from other children’s parents saying they would offer good care and education to their children but they do not care about the children at all and all they want is money and how they managed money and where it was being spent… Entirely different from the expectations the parents had when they handed the children over to those institutions. I also used to go begging but a woman from Kolkata understood my conditions and used to secretly feed me. Even a Dalit did not help me at all but not all of them. A brother **** Buddhi Biswakarma took me out of that place and got me a job.

***Nepal Apanga Adhikar Kundra is the place which truly changed my life. I can say that I truly received real education there. Iwa Diwas in August I, I received 1 lakh NPR as prize money and also received prizes and cash from other institutions for journalism and a lot of other institutes honored me with trophies, certificates later in my life. Brahmins caused us all the problems. They lied to kick me out from where I was staying because of my caste. But later when the owner changed, I did not have to worry about moving out.  Finding a new place is very tough and allotting time just to do that is an extremely hectic task. Especially knowing that I am Dalit, being a handicap female, they often refuse to rent and my blind friend also faces the same situation. The reason why handicaps don’t get a place to stay in because handicaps can’t take care of themselves and would only cause problems is what everyone tells to us handicaps. We face problems in all aspects of our life and we are always ignored. It is best to get rid of the mentality people have towards handicaps, so far this is what I have understood. Dalit people try to hide that they are Dalit just to avoid tons and tons of problems that weigh on us just because we are Dalits. They always lie about their caste and say that they are Brahmins or other castes just to find a place to rent.

My father remarried and I have a stepmother, a stepbrother and a stepsister. We all have good relations but there is this tension between my mother and my stepmother which is evidently seen. My mother stays alone with her brother. I feel that even my father is biased. On August 12, when I was going to be awarded with the prize and honour, which was the greatest achievement of my life then, and I had invited my father, mother and my stepmother along with my favourite – my grandmother. But my dad did not show up and it made me feel very upset that he did not even make an appearance for me. All the residents of my village congratulated my dad when I was about to receive my award but even then he never gave a long thought about my achievements, never gave us good food or clothes but was providing all of it to our stepbrother and stepsister. We even couldn’t afford tuition and it was very difficult just to get tutored.

I am ****, the president of ***. I am from Argakhanchi district. After marriage, I moved back to Sarlahi. I have a fourteen-year-old daughter and my husband is a teacher in a government school. I have been working for 16 -17 years in for Dalit women’s empowerment. I grew up om Arghakhanchi district, which is located in the mid-west of Nepal. When I was a child I often faced a lot of discrimination at school and even my teachers would discriminate me for being a Sarki (a Khas occupational caste traditionally belonging to leather workers). At school while standing in line, they used to tease me by calling me “Sarki” or “Sarkini”. I used to feel so bad but what I have learned from that is to overcome it. My father is a political person and he always use to tell me to fight against this discrimination, inequality and so I kept moving forward this way. After that I became a part of student politics. During that time when we visited villages to form the student union, I was made to stay outside or even sleep outside. I also worked on women empowerment and even during that time the same thing happened, like when we visit villages I was made to sleep outside. The village was surrounded by jungles and I could hear the roaring sound of the tigers but I overcame those struggles and came forward, struggling. After that I worked at a political party because of which I only had political thoughts and that is why I chose the social field. After choosing this field, I worked a lot for Dalit women and now after two years I am focusing on Dalit political empowerment. We have opened a centre for Dalit women which works for Dalit women political empowerment. Now more than 6000 Dalit women are elected and it is such a pleasant news for us. But the number that came is not sufficient and our fear is that if their role is not effective, then we might fail to make a history. So we are conducting an event to empower Dalit women. The role which they should play are not being provided, the women who can speak are not invited in the meetings and are not given chance to speak. So we are trying to raise their voice by pushing them forward to speak up. Otherwise, the low caste community will be left behind and the nation will not stand for it. I feel like we should keep this struggle alive because when we face some incidents and go to the police station to file an FIR (First Information Report), the police do not approve and because of this we struggle more. Even if they file an FIR (First Information Report), there are many problems and other cases, so we are fighting for that too. Most importantly there are a lot of cases on women’s issues that is why we are struggling. The law and orders made by the government is of no use, because we have so many laws and rules and Constitution but the main purpose is to make use of those laws and rules. And as well as our attitude and matriarchal attitude until we have that freedom, we the nation should strictly stand with our women community so that the Dalit women community can have their rights and come forward.

The place where I spent my childhood was a place where most of the Thakurs and the upper caste people lived and we Sarki lived in their midst – our houses were in the middle of the village. We were not even allowed to plait our hairs as it was said that only Thakurs were allowed to do so since they talked about us copying them.

One day there was a school picnic and I was sitting with my Thakur friends. My teacher came and asked me to get up and told me to sit in some other place because I was from the lower caste and I might touch them. That moment I was really upset and I just realized I was from the Dalit community. As I walked away with tears our head teacher asked me to come back and he asked that teacher to apologize to me and to let me sit with them. I faced this kind of discrimination and because of all these problems, it taught me to overcome and helped me to fight against untouchability. The criticism that I faced all this time has now become my strength and my history. Today, what I feel is that if I hadn’t come across those situations I might not be here. My father was a politician and he used to take me to political party meetings at late hours. I used to listen to them and learned that we have to fight for our rights and that is how I have reached this far.

Fears and that time um… my, our, my school colleagues and teacher uh… all are… went uh… picnic, y’know and uh… my uh… my friend, you know – upper caste friend uh… ya. I sit with my upper caste friend and my teacher said – “You cannot sit there, you are Dalit!” and uh… *laughs* and uh… I am very shocked that time. Umm… I feel that time – “Oh! Iam Dalit!And I’m not woman!” and uh… I’m buh… come out and uh… come out and uh… I’m crying and uh… crying and go far and my teacher um… follow me and he said – “You can sit there and uh… I’m sorry.” and sh-he said and uh… later I come back there and sit with my friends and uh… eat together, y’know. And that time I learned uh… um… without fighting we cannot get anything you know and uh… I remember my father always said me – “You should fight always.” and uh… later my sister, my brother – they, they uh… did not umm… did not umm… face that acci-incident so… *laughs*

… yeah um… I am Sarki community, y’know. My community umm… take uh… dead… uh… dead cow and buffalo and wherever they take death body, you know. And that time I also uh… so many time I also went to take that. And my father is very um… sincere and educate-educated and my father always um… go outside and underground, and uh… he cannot give us time, and sometime we cannot buy meat, you know, and that time we went to take that dead buffalo and cow. And umm… later my teacher always umm… torture me and when I went school and I um… I stand prayer… prayer time and he said – “You are Sark-Sarkini.You take dead buffalo and cow…” and umm… he always said that… Sometime uh… I don’t like go to school and um… uh… because my teacher torture me um… And later, my father know I went to take that – you know chino? And, and my father very angry with us – “You cannot go there and take that types of things.” and later I *laughs* I, I cannot go, you know, later… and that incident I sure now because umm… there-there is past, you know umm… when I uh… um… when my situation uh… and my umm… awareness ya… I cannot do anything that time but now I’m aware umm… very… understand… So I cannot now, you know… So I- I, I don’t uh… hesitate to share my past life, you know. My… uh… that life uh… also my property so… *laughs*

Nepal is very diverse community… also India… and now buh… I’m very worried… um… we don’t have collective any women in Nepal. Yeah… some movement umm… uh so only caste, some- some women together umm… cannot clash and some politics, you know? And so uh… women movement are also divided um… Always I feel if we uh… could uh… collective women movement, we can do so many things in Nepal. We- we- we are change, we change so many things in Nepal but only we can see… paper, you know *laughs* are not properly news – that paper… So um… my um… my um… what is that word? ** I want to see collective movement – women movement in Nepal. You know men started some uh… state um… not enough. So um… my dream was also – is also uh… see collective women movement in Nepal.

Artist: That you really need…

Person: Yeah…

Artist: But collectivising is uh… do you think that women uh… when they come in a collective they also discriminate between communities?

Person: Yeah, now, now that situation, you know. If Dalit women um… *clears throat* uh… Dalit women are victim, other women movement cannot do anything, you know. And mm… and other women are victim – cannot do anything. And one political woman leader and social woman leader also not doing collectively, you know? So we have one uh… uh… citizenship issue, you know, and that issue is very big issue. But women movement cannot do anything now uh… they uh… did not anything now. That, that’s, so that umm… our Nepali women movement is divided caste and class and political situation. I feel so many bad uh… situation because I am a Dalit girl and I cannot speak uh… good English and my brought up uh… so difficultly. So uh… many times umm… I feel discriminate, you know. And uh… I feel that.

Artist: Do you uh… feel that uh… *pauses to think* in your country uh… who are your supporters? Who are the people who support you? Does uh… the press support you…? Uh… Do you have uh… um… like politically uh… are- are you strong politically?

Person: Uhm… Sometime I feel nobody *laughs* support us you know umm… any incident happens with the Dalit community and with Dalit women, sometimes we feel that nobody is there to support us. Even the media is in charge of this issues… The media has also supported but only to publicize the issue and after the issues have been publicized, the media doesn’t follow up they just pick up the issue and then leave it as is. And unless there are big issues, they don’t take on the pressure and so after a lot of pressure, only then they take steps. Sometimes we feel like nobody is there to support us. But since we are of the community, the Dalit community used to support us sometimes. The major problem here in Nepal is that they first find out which political party the accused belongs to and if they are from an upper caste political party, they try to hide it. That kind of politics they used to play, when any incident happens and that is why we never felt secured.